Next to You
by StarfireFowl
Summary: She found herself in this situation often. It was getting out of it that had her worried. AliceFrank


A/N: Part of the series I'm co-writing with SunlitDays to Fall Out Boy's Infinity on High. This is "I'm Like a Lawyer..."

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I have never wanted anything more in my life. I lie on top of him, my eyes staring directly into his. The one thought controlling me is the idea that I should pull off his pants and just do him already. The other half of my brain is telling me that I can't. And that's what I tell him.

"I can't." I whisper. He looks confused, which is exactly how I feel.

"What?"

"I can't go any further than this. Kissing you is lovely, as is touching you, but I can't do anymore. Not yet. Not until..."

"Until what, Alice?" Frank's eyes look so sad now. I feel so guilty for doing this to him. It's not fair to him that I get him wanting it as much as I do and then pull away from it.

"Until we're married." I mutter, completely embarrassed. Every inch of me except my brain wants me to go on. I then sit on the floor beside him, unable to meet his eyes. He sits up too, unexpectedly wrapping an arm around me.

"It's okay," Frank reassures. I stare at him, unable to understand.

"I feel really bad about it, but it's just been something programmed into me. I'd feel guilty if I went through with it."

"It's okay, Alice. I won't go any further either, I promise." His statement takes me by surprise. Here is the boy who sneaks kisses to my neck while we're babysitting his toddler cousin and allows me to touch him in a spot no one else has ever even seen before, refusing sex. I could barely believe it.

"Truly?" I ask him. I'm terrified at this moment, much more than I was when I stopped us. I'm so scared that he's going to eventually break his promise and both of us will end up regretting it. I'm even more afraid that it will be me that breaks it. I know my self control is much stronger than his, but every time I see those midnight blue eyes and the curve of his neck, I forget my mind.

"Of course. I can wait for this, Alice." He pulls me into his arms then, even though I practically fall into his lap. My balance is not very good with surprise hugs. He laughs at me, kissing my forehead. "We'll be married soon enough anyway."

"Yeah." His comment sets off a whole new train of doubts. What if he's only marrying me so that we can have sex? What if I'm awful at it and then he never wants to do it with me again? I think he notices my look of worry because he stands up, extending a hand.

"Stop worrying, love. We can handle this. It's definitely not the worst thing we've had to go through." His calmness over the situation is stunning. I _know_ he wants to do more too. Can he really give it up so easily?

"I know. I ought to be going home now though. I'll see you soon and I promise to write every day." I hate myself yet again. Here I am alone in Frank's house with him while his parents are having tea in the garden, and I am leaving. Something has to be wrong with me.

"And I will write you back every day too, okay? Come visit again soon." Frank grins at me, though I know he's sad to see me go. There's so little time for us this summer. At least both of us are going into auror training together soon enough. He leans down and kisses my lips for a few seconds. I hate when it ends.

"Okay. I love you," I whisper into his cheek, wanting desperately to kiss him again. I hold back, knowing that if I kiss him again, I won't be able to stop.

"I love you too," Frank replies. I give him a weak smile before leaving; knowing perfectly well that had I stayed things would have gotten much, much worse.

The sad thing is it's another whole week until I see him again. I regret my decision every time I think of him. I regret not kissing him goodbye again. I can barely remember the way his lips feel brushing over mine or the fire that runs through me every time his hand rubs along my bare back. Whenever it got unbearable, I found myself under our tree in my yard. During the summer before this one, I had kissed him under it while my parents had been in the house. It had been the first time I'd ever sat in his lap. The beginning of our downfall, I guess. I missed him, but more than anything, I missed the feeling I got around him. He is and always will be the only one I need.

Two years later, I find myself in a similar situation. I'm lying on top of him, but now in a bed instead of on the floor. My shirt has long since been discarded and lies in a lump on the floor. Beside it is his shirt. Except this time around, I can pull off his pants and his boxers. That's the wonderful thing about finally being married – you don't have to stop yourself anymore.

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A/N: Reviews are love.


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